Scene : He catches your eye... you do a double take. He walks by and you smell his cologne. You wonder when will you run into him next. Maybe you will even make the next move. It's all you think about. The connection happens. All you want is more...for a while anyway until things aren't so glamorous anymore. Things aren't so full of electricity and in some cases destructive to you. You find yourself asking "What am I doing here and why won't I leave?" if you can even recognize your placement. And so it is with an unhealthy relationship. A relationship driven by lust...confused with love.
Lust and Love...so similar yet yield such different results. Let's define them with Miriam Webster to begin to clarify the true meanings.
LUST: An overwhelming desire or craving.or a strong feeling of sexual desire
LOVE: a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates
And thus, we have found the cause for the confusion among our generation...or did our common confusion cause a shift in definition. In the English language we have only one word to describe Love. It is Love. We say we can love anything and every thing. But how do other languages describe love? In the Greek language there are different words that describe what love is.
The bible uses these three words to differentiate between types of Love:
Agapeo - Divine Love
Philea - Love for another person
Eros - Sexual Love
Love is actually quite a big study in and of itself. For today let's keep it simple and use definition a (1). from Miriam Webster and Philea. Vs. Miriam Websters Lust and Eros.
I want to look at our relationship with Sugar as a comparative using the very strong acquaintances we have with Lust and Love and how being aware of the difference can help us manage our relationships with people and our cravings.
Does the opening scenario tug at your heart-strings? Have you been there...are you there now? With a man, a woman or something else like Chocolate or wine? I wanted to share with you my perspective on what happens when you stay in an unhealthy relationship of any kind. I have experienced this in many situations, but my longest lasting unhealthy relationship has been my relationship with SUGAR.
I would consider myself to be a pretty level-headed person. No doubt, like all, I have had my seasons in the clouds, not making sense of certain situations or relationships with a clear perspective. These experiences make for amazing hindsight. "Had I known then what I know now" we all say. Well, let's put down our pride for a minute and if you need to hear this...listen up with open ears as it will save you lots of heart aches and belly aches when you see the parallel.
My most recent fling with Sugar happened over the holiday season. I have matured in my relationship with food, or so I thought. Christmas week, I had even bought a new pair of smaller jeans, so I thought I had this under control. Wrong, so wrong. I quite literally had broken up with sugar and had been only indulging sparingly as of late. I try to go with all natural sugar from fruits and veggies like all self professing health nerds. I was so sure of myself, I even gave myself permission to cheat with Sugar, real granulated, baked, creamed anyway it's served sugar for a limited affair. After-all I have been so good about abstaining and if I gave myself permission, I was still in "control". So, I planned to indulge. I had some of my favorites like Flan, Dark chocolate, Cheesecake, Cocoa Pebbles and don't forget the GF breads and jams. All sugar, all the devil. (Someone crack a smile please) While I caught on to the dirty tricks of sugar quicker than I may have in past seasons I still let it get me right where it wanted me. Confused & Betrayed, but this time I noticed something more...
I noticed that what I thought I loved, I actually didn't love. I noticed that when I was perplexed by the lack of pleasure I was receiving from the food, instead of stopping and leaving, I kept eating to try and find the feeling I had during my "lust" stage of craving. A mirage can never be relived. I noticed that my "feelings" about the sugar were all chemical facades that clouded my judgement. The more I ate, the worse the food tasted. I didn't feel good after eating, and it wasn't guilt, because remember I gave myself "permission" wink. You see, I was lying to myself, because I wanted me and sugar to workout at least until I decided to break up again. Sugar and I had broken up and I was in denial. I thought we could get back together again and it would be like nothing had changed. Suddenly because I had been out of the bad relationship for a while, actually I was seeing things clearly for what they were. Sugar doesn't love me, and I don't love sugar. It was and is all just lust. Sugar isn't patient or kind. It is manipulative. It manipulates your chemical factory just like physical pleasure does. The manic euphoria of that bad relationship is dangerous and will keep you stuck until you decide to break free. I challenge you today to separate the love from the lust in your life. I challenge you to have a look at your relationships and decide to pursue the healthy ones with all your heart and to walk away from the ones that are not true love. You will thank yourself. The flame has died, stop holding the candle. True love will burn forever, maybe just not in the way you expect it to.
Now let's hear Proverbs tell it like it is
Proverbs 25:16 If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.
A final imprint:
"When Seduction becomes obsession, the last person you can trust is yourself"- "Temptation" ATyler Perry Film
Another interesting read is this
A Psychiatrist's Letter to Young People About 50 Shades of Grey
If you know someone who needs to read this today. Don't be shy and please share.
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Wishing you all the love in the world!